The Sketchbook
by jess83
Summary: Brian finds one of Justin’s old sketchbooks and calls him to come pick it up. But something happens that forces them to confront what actually caused Justin to leave. pg-13- for language and adult content in later chapters...maybe..im not sure yet...thehe
1. chapter 1

I DO NOT OWN THES CHARACTORS…. THEY BELONG TO SHOWTIME!! PLEASE DON'T SUE ME!!!!!!!!!!

Brian swore as he threw his fifty dollar monogrammed pen across the loft. " Fuckin piece of shit," he said. He flung open the drawer of the computer desk and began searching for another pen. But his efforts went un-rewarded and he was just about to slam the drawer shut when something caught his eye.

It was one of Justin's old sketchbooks.

It had been three years since he had left him for Ethan. Brian felt a small pang of sadness

in his heart as he flipped through the pages.

He still loved Justin…he always will.

He looked at the date at the bottom of one of the drawings. It was form the time right before the bashing. He flipped the pages, looking at all of the beautiful drawings Justin had done.

Some of them were of a baby Gus, some of the loft and some, the ones Brian liked the most, were of he and Justin together. They looked so happy. If only the Justin who drew these happy pictures all those years ago knew what their relationship was like now, it probably would have killed him.

Brian looked up at the clock and realized that he had been looking at that sketchbook for two hours.

He decided that he would call Justin to come pick it up.

He hadn't really seen Justin since he left. A hello at the diner, a how are you in passing at Woody's. That's pretty much it.

He dialed Justin's cell number and waited for him to pick up.

Justin: hello?

Brian: hi

Justin: oh…um…hi…Brian

Brian: um…yea…I found one of your old sketchbooks and I figured you would want it.

Justin: um…ok…

Brian: yea…if you wanna come over and pick it up I'll be here.

Justin: ok…I guess I'll be over in about a half an hour.

And with that the connection was gone. No goodbye, no see ya later, just click…and he was gone.

Brian looked out the window of the loft. It had started to snow pretty hard. _He'll never come now…_ he thought.

Oh well…maybe we can try this again in another three years.

But he was wrong.

About an hour later there was a buzz from downstairs.

"Hey…its me," said Justin. Brian buzzed him up and soon he was face to face with Justin again.

"Hey," he said. " Hi," replied Justin.

Then there was that awkward silence. You know…the one where you both kinda stand there, staring at the floor, waiting for the other person to say something? Yea, that awkward silence.

"Um…Brian? The sketchbook?"

"Oh…yea…here it is," he said

"Thanks," replied Justin, " Well…I'd better go. It was nice to see you again Brian."

Justin turned around and walked out if the loft closing the worn metal door behind him.

_Dammit…why didn't I stop him? Aww FUCK! _, he thought.

Brian turned to go nurse his sorrow with his good friend Jim Beam and a joint when he heard a knock on the door.

He pulled back the door and found himself looking into a pair of piercing blue eyes.


	2. chapter 2

I DO NOT OWN THES CHARACTORS…. THEY BELONG TO SHOWTIME!! PLEASE DON'T SUE ME!!!!!!!!!!

* * *

heyy readers...im baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaac! hope u missed me as much a s i missed all ur nice reviews...but with the holidays and a m major case of writers block i justdidnt getthe chance to finish up the next chapter...but eventually i did make some thime so here it is....hope u like it!!! reviews pleeeeeeeeezzzzzz!!

MUAH! (hugs and kisses from me)

* * *

" Justin? I thought you left," said Brian.

" Well… I tried…but I'm afraid we have a problem…we're snowed in," replied Justin.

Snowed in with Justin. There was that awkward silence again. Well this should be interesting.

" In that case…come on in."

Justin walked into the loft, sliding the door closed behind him.

Brian decided that he would make the first move to say something. "Um…so how have you been," he asked.

" Um…ok…you?"

"Good…are you still with Ethan?"

As soon as Brian mentioned that name, the expression on Justin's face changed.

"Um…Ethan and I broke up about a year and a half ago"

"Really!?"

Damn…he didn't mean to sound excited…well there goes the I-don't-care-didn't-love-you-anyway attitude flying right out the window.

Justin let out a small laugh," yea…hey…don't drown in your crocodile tears now…"

"Heh…yea...what happened? You guys seemed to be so happy," said Brian.

"Well," replied Justin, "we were…but then he--he…"

A pained look washed over Justin's face. He let out a little laugh as he continued.

"Heh…you're gonna tell me it serves me right.

He cheated on me with a guy he met at one of his shows.

He finally got a recording contract…but the bad part was that it said that no one could know he was gay.

So I couldn't go to his shows with him.

But one night I decided to surprise him and showed up anyway."

He took a deep breath and continued

" But when I got there I saw him walk away with some other guy.

I told myself to forget it and I forgave him"

Justin's voice had become angry and hostile. Brian had never seen him this angry before.

" But when his fucking drooling admirer showed up at his apartment looking for him that was it.

We got into a huge fight and I left. I've been staying with Daphne since then."

Brian didn't know what to say, which was a rare occurrence, because he could always come up with some snappy comeback when he needed it.

Justin was right.

He wanted to tell him that it served him right.

He wanted to scream at him

and tell him that it broke his heart to see him walking out of Babylon in the arms of another man.

But he restrained himself.

All he said was "oh I'm sorry to hear that…"

"Yea… I was too…."

Not much was said after that for a while.

Brian just sat and watched Justin flip through the sketchbook.

But he still had one more question…

Why?

Why did he leave me?

Of course he knew the obvious answer.

He had never said those three little words…

I

Love

You

But in his mind, he never figured out how three little words could mean so much to a person…

But even though he never said it…

He showed it in everything he did…

The way he used to come up behind Justin and wrap him in a bear hug for no reason at all…

The way he kissed him before he left for school in the morning

But most of all…

The way he defended him in front of Mikey…

That was the only time he was never on Mikey's side was when Justin was involved…

That showed him just how much he really did love him…

If it were anyone else he would go right along with it…

But noooo not with Justin…

Never with Justin

On the first bad words out of anyone's mouth about Justin…the claws came out and Brian would rip whoever said it a new asshole without a second thought.

Brian watched as a range of emotions came over Justin's face as he flipped through the book.

Thought brains face was completely emotionless, in his head he was screaming at the top of his lings I LOVE YOU!! I LOVE YOU!!

But he, most of all, knew he was just too damn stubborn to say it.

* * *

THE END...

haha! got ya!!!!!!!!!!!! the next chapter will b up soon...i hope...still battlin amajor case of writers block and midterms r comin up so it may take a little while.....

MUAH! (hugs and kisses from me)


	3. chapter 3

I DO NOT OWN THES CHARACTORS…. THEY BELONG TO SHOWTIME!! PLEASE DON'T SUE ME!!!!!!!!!!

" Heh…" said Justin as he flipped thought the pages of his sketchbook.

"What," said Brian.

They had been sitting there in silence just waiting for what seemed like forever.

It was still snowing and the weather channel said that there was no chance of it stopping any time soon.

So Brian had gotten used to the idea that …as much as he may wish for this agonizing silence to end…Justin was going to be here for a while.

But he kinda liked having Justin around again…

It felt like old times only with more awkwardness and less fucking.

"Oh… I just found this…"

He held up the page and Brian saw a nude picture of himself.

It was just like the one he had bought at the GLC…

But this time he was wide-awake… basking in the afterglow of sex…

He had a joint in one hand and the other was casually thrown over his sweat-beaded forehead.

Brian had always been amazed at the way Justin could capture emotions in his drawings.

There he was with his trademark smirk, staring at the ceiling just…relaxing…something he rarely did.

"Ha…I guess I missed that one when I was flipping through before," said Brian.

"Oh and look at this one of Gus!!

He's so tiny…

How is he by the way?

I haven't seen him in…"

He was about to finish when Brian cut him off.

" Three years…" he said.

"Um yea…" Justin looked embarrassed now.

"He got really big…

and he talks a lot now…so I have to watch what I say around him

he soaks things up like a sponge now…

Mel almost killed me when he called her and Lindz The Munchers."

" Ha…" Justin said.

They chatted like this for a while, but nothing of real importance was said…

It was mostly oh…how's Michael? Is he still with Ben? Oh that's good to hear…

Oh yea…Daphne's good…she still asks about you sometimes.

Oh…Mel and Lindz had another baby? WITH MICHAEL?? Oh wow… oh a girl…that's nice…Jenny? That's a nice name…

By now Brian was frustrated…no…wait… make that fucking pissed with himself…

_Stop being a little pussy and say it!_

_You're e Brian Kinney for fucks sake!_

_Since when do you hesitate to say anything???_

So finally he listened to himself and said it………..

* * *

another cliff hanger!!!! ahhh!! lol...just a short chapter for now....read and review!!!

MUAH! (hugs and kisses from me!)


	4. Authors note

Heyy readers!! Jess83 here…I'm really happy 2 see that u like my story so much!! I LOVE getting new reviews and when I see that they r so nice I get that warm fuzzy feeling. It makes me really happy to share my story with you all…I haven't been writing for very long…in fact my 2 story's are my first fan fics ever! And I'm just happy 2 kno that u don't all think I suck big time…lol!

Well now that I'm done with all the thank yous…. lets get to the facts about the story…the next chapter for the sketchbook might take a little while…. I have midterms coming up next week so I'll be studying away for those…but I will TRY to get the next chapter up sometime next week…I'm also doing battle w/ a ginormous case of writers block and I wanna make sure that I live up 2 ur expectations and give u a grrrrrrrreat next chapter…**WARNING: there may b some B/J action coming up so u kno what that means…if ur opposed 2 2 immensely hot guys makin out then I suggest u stop reading o aboooooooooooooooooooooout now…but like I say if ur reading QaF fics…you've obviously seen and or heard about the show and I don't understand y this would offend u considering…well you've seen the show so…u kno…**

Anywayzzz…. I have a surprise for all the fans of my first fic out there….I **_MIGHT_** write a sequel…I'm not sure yet…but I am playing with the idea now…so you may have something to look forward to…but mayb not and I will disappoint you immensely and you will never read any of my fics again…either or…lol

Ok…so that's all (queer as) folks **(did ya get my little play on words there?? Thehe I'm so clever sometimes I amaze myself) **until next time…

**MUAH! **(hugs and kisses form me!)


	5. chapter 4

I DO NOT OWN THES CHARACTORS…. THEY BELONG TO SHOWTIME!! PLEASE DON'T SUE ME!!!!!!!!!!

"So…so…the dog jumps on top of the chicken and…HA…he says…he says…"

"Why," said Brian.

"Um…no Brian…he doesn't say why…I thought you said you never heard this one before," replied Justin.

" No Justin," Brian said ", I meant why did you do it? Why did you leave ?"

" Heh…um Brian…wow…number one…way to spring tat one on me

and number two…you know why…"

"Yea…I know why….I never said I…I…it"

"Yea…that's why…and you know that…so I don't know why you're asking me now…"

"But that cant be all…its just words Justin…that's all it is…just words…"

"Its not just words Brian.

And just because they don't mean anything to you…

doesn't mean that they don't mean anything to me!

because they do…"

"Justin…just because I never said I…it…doesn't mean that I didn't….

I showed you in everything I did!

I cant believe you need some fucking stupid words to tell you that!"

"Its not "fucking stupid" Brian!

It would have made me feel like you really appreciated me…

Like you wanted me to be around

And I wasn't just another fuck…."

"You were never just another fuck Justin…"

" Well that's how I felt Brian…

you never really ever showed me how you felt…."

" Never showed you??

That's bullshit Justin and you know it,,,

I have two words for you…

RAGE

PARTY!!"

" Oh how nice of you to show me how much you care by throwing another one of your fucking parties…

I felt soooo special with all those other guys around…

you barely paid attention to me all night.

I had to keep looking for you….

And when I FINALLY found you….

You were fucking rage…

That's all you ever cared about….

Fucking and getting your dick sucked…

You never wanted me around…"

"That's not true…

I knew ever since you came to the loft the night after we met that I was never going to be able to get rid of you…

at first it pissed me off…

I didn't need some little twink following me around everywhere I went…

yea…

you're right…

at first I didn't want you around…

but that all changed…."

Brian decided he had to show Justin the picture he bought from the GLC…

In all the time that Justin lived there….

he had never managed to find it…

it was time he actually told Justin how much he did love him…

* * *

another cliffhanger!!

HAHA...JUST KIDDIN! heres the rest of the story....

* * *

Brian came running back into the room with a frame in his hands..

" IfI didn't care...would I have this?"

he flipped the frame over and there was the picture he had bought at the GLC…

it was the only one Justin had sold that night…

and it was to him…

"Brian…where did you get this,' asked Justin

" I bought it… I was the one who bought it…"

" But…why?"

"Because…because… I don't know why… I just needed to have it…

Justin you have no idea how much I cared…still care about you…

I know you never knew this…

but after the bashing…

I stayed with you every night…

I never left your side…even when everyone else was gone I was still there…

I went without sleep for days at a time…

I just wanted to make sure you were ok…"

Justin couldn't believe what he was hearing…

" You stayed with me?"

" Every night…

until the day you woke up…

I was there…"

"Brian I don't know what to say…

I… I never knew… I'm sorry…"

With that, Justin broke into tears…

" You cared for me so much and I just…left…I'm so sorry Brian!"

Brian put the picture down and walked over to Justin.

He sat down and put his arms around him.

He thought back to all the times Justin would wake up after having a nightmare about the bashing

and he would just sit and hold him…

until the sobbing stopped…

"I love you," he said…

Justin stopped crying and looked up at him…

Even with a tear streaked face…he was beautiful…

"Brian…I…I…I love you too"

Brian placed his hand under the blondes chin.

He lifted his face until their lips met in a soft kiss…

But what started out as a soft kiss soon turned into a longing…needing kiss…

He pushed Justin back onto the couch and pressed his lips onto the blondes as hard as he possibly could…

Justin opened his mouth and they let their tongues swirl around in each other's mouths.

They only parted when they heard the loft door slide open.

"Mikey? What? How did you get in here? We were snowed in," asked Brian.

" Snowed in? Brian I don't know what you're talking about…

I got here fine…

and the walk hasn't bees shoveled either," Michael replied

" Really," Brian said as he looked at Justin…

" Well…heh…um….I guess you caught me," said Justin with a smile

" Justin? What the fuck are you doing here," asked Michael.

" Oh…he just dropped buy for a little visit…

now if you'll excuse us," Brian said as he hooked his finger through Justin's belt loop, pulling him towards the bedroom,

"We have some business to take care of…

you can show yourself out right Mikey?

Thanks…"

The last thing he saw was Mikey giving him a nasty look and he heard the door shut…

The End?


	6. authors note

heyy readers....as fans of my other fic kno...i like 2 end my fics w/ a little note from me...it just says thanx for all the reviews and informs when you should xpect my next fic 2 b posted...sooo....:clears throat:

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! YOU LIKE ME! YOU REALLY LIKE ME!! ok enough of that...thanx for all the nice reviews i got....its been really fun writin this story for you guys....and im really happy u all liked it.... it was a pleasure....

as for my next fic....itus yet untitled...but its about how brian and justin take gus(brians son) for a three day weekend...chaos and hilarity ensue...lol. im still writin the first chapter so it may take a while...

well thats all (queer as) folks **(again w/ the play on words...i crack myself up...) **untill next time...

**MUAH!** (Hugs and kisses from me!)


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